Recognizing Toxic Overperformance

When the Shield Becomes a Cage

We’ve explored how perfectionism is a survival strategy and how it physically harms us through "weathering." But how does it impact our daily lives and interactions? The very shield that was meant to protect us can become a cage.

I saw this play out so clearly a few years ago. I was preparing for a Mardi Gras parade with a group of incredible women organized by my dear friend and comedian, Geneva Joy, the Krewe of Aziza. We were working tirelessly to finish our intricate costumes. In the midst of the beautiful chaos, I heard one woman say, almost in a whisper, “Can someone help me? I didn’t sleep last night.” Before anyone could offer a hand, another woman responded, almost as a boast, “Girl, I haven’t slept in three days.”

Look at us. Going waaaaay toooooo hard. We had gotten ourselves into a state of what experts call toxic overperformance. This isn't just hard work; it's a pattern where achieving a goal "at any cost" leads to negative consequences for yourself and those around you. It’s the "work twice as hard" idiom manifesting as competitive exhaustion.

This behavior is the dark side of the Strong Black Woman schema in action. The pressure to appear strong means you can't admit you're struggling; in fact, admitting your pain is often met with a story of someone else's greater suffering. This dynamic turns self-neglect into a badge of honor and normalizes a culture of collective self-harm. Instead of collaborating to ensure everyone can rest, we compete in our exhaustion. This is driven by core tenets of the schema:

• Self-Silencing: The need to project an image of a "strong self" means you silence your own needs for help or rest.
• Emotional Suppression: Admitting you are tired, overwhelmed, or in pain is perceived as a weakness the schema forbids.

Sis, if you are functioning within that two-times-half idiom, you may have a mindset that aligns you with this toxic overperformance. It’s not your fault. It’s a script we were handed. But we don't have to keep running from it.

So how do we begin to dismantle this cage? In our next posts, we’ll explore the tools that can set us free.

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