Honoring the Foundations: A Father’s Day Nuance

This Sunday is Father’s Day. Because my husband is away, the kids and I are recording a sweet family video to send his way—probably demanding he send back pictures of his soccer adventures. But holidays like this can bring up a complex blend of grief, gratitude, and internal boundary-setting for many of us.

In the spirit of being raw and real, my own childhood was built on the foundations of three distinct, non-traditional father figures who stepped in to offer what my mother couldn't at the time:

• Jesse: My mother’s first husband and the father of my angel brother, who transitioned due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Despite difficulty in the family, the grief of loss and their quick separation, he chose to stay anchored in our family over the decades, being chosen family for my grandmother, and her siblings, and even attending my wedding. He was a hard working man who loved to laugh and smile.
• Mr. Larry: My rainbow brothers’ dad, who lovingly taught us the practical structure of how to clean, organize, and maintain a home while rocking out to Phil Collins’ No Jacket Required Live on VHS every Saturday morning. He was a Vietnam Veteran, who could fix anything, and I learned a lot of construction and electrical work watching him, and his “front step classes.”
• Louis: The man who helped me cultivate a lifelong love for exercise and consistently poured positive reinforcement and pep talks into my spirit. He was a fixture in my adolescence, and talked me down from many a flip-out until I left home. I think he was the only person who thought I might be queer. He further normalized my love of diverse music, and fueled obsession with wearing his Army Reserve fatigues, and eating the rations (training for survival!)

BONUS!

• “Cupid”: My actual father. I got to know him the year before he died in 2011, but have known him as a neighbor since I was born. Our brief time together allowed me to know him enough to appreciate and witness what everyone else loved about him: charismatic, with a bubbly personality, with stories for DAYS! He styled Muhammad Ali’s hair, and had the proof. If you see me in a cowboy shirt, it’s vintage, and it’s my dad’s!

Whether your relationship with fatherhood is simple, non-traditional, or heavy with grief, remember that honor can look like celebrating the community that raised you.

Ready to see the resilience in your personal story? While Be True Counseling is currently operating on a waiting list for custom 15-minute consultations, I invite you to join our mailing list to be the first to know when our calendar opens for culturally competent, trauma-informed care. Sign up here, https://forms.gle/g8qWfyj5CFv8hjmTA.

#FathersDayReflection #ChosenFamily #HonoringFoundations #FatherhoodJourneys #GriefAndGratitude