Your Gentle Guide to "Dating Yourself": Small, Brave Steps Toward Solitude

We’ve talked about the beautiful difference between loneliness and solitude, and we’ve honored the unique stories that can make rest feel challenging. Now, I want to gently invite you to take the next step on this journey: the simple, practical art of "dating yourself."

If the idea of being alone in public brings a flutter of anxiety to your chest, that is completely okay. It can feel so vulnerable to be by yourself under the world's gaze. The journey of dating yourself doesn't start with a grand, intimidating trip, but with a single, quiet breath and a small, brave step.

A Gentle Journey in Three Steps

Instead of pushing yourself into something that feels scary, I wonder what it would feel like to wade into the waters of solitude slowly, at your own pace? Think of it as a gentle three-week invitation to yourself.

• Week 1: Cozy At-Home Dates. The goal this week is to simply enjoy your own company in the comfort and safety of your own home. Let’s create a positive, warm feeling around solitude.
• A gentle idea: Give yourself a ritualistic "everything shower" with candles and music. Or, cook a lovely meal just for you, set the table, and savor it without any distractions.
• Week 2: Quiet Public Adventures. This week, we can explore moving into public spaces where you don't have to talk to anyone. The focus is on just being, and noticing how it feels.
• A gentle idea: Take a solo walk in a park, visit a museum and wander at your own pace, or go to a movie by yourself. Notice that most people are wrapped up in their own worlds.
• Week 3: Interactive Solo Outings. When you feel ready, you might try a solo date that involves a little more interaction, just to show yourself that you can.
• A gentle idea: Take a book to a coffee shop. Or, treat yourself to lunch at an average restaurant (not fast or convenience food). The goal isn’t to make new friends, but simply to feel comfortable and confident in your own space.

Honoring Your Natural Rhythms

As you explore this practice, it’s important to be compassionate with your own energy, which can change with the seasons. You may have heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), where the shorter, darker days of fall and winter can lead to lower energy and mood. This is a very real experience for many people.

Honoring your natural rhythms means your solo dates might look different in November than they do in July. A summer adventure might be a solo hike, while a winter date might be a cozy morning with a special light therapy lamp and a warm cup of tea. It's not about forcing yourself to do things; it's about gently asking, "What would nourish me today?"

A Note on Safety

As you venture out, your sense of safety is the most important thing. Always listen to your intuition. Let a friend know your plans, stay in well-lit areas, and be aware of your surroundings. Caring for yourself includes keeping yourself safe.

This path of self-reclamation is a lifelong journey, taken one small step at a time. Every moment you dedicate to yourself is a profound act of love. If you feel you could use a supportive guide to help you overcome the anxiety that can arise on this journey, please know that we are here to walk with you. Be True Counseling is ready to support you in building a life filled with both intentional solitude and joyful community.

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