From Bigotry to Joy: How Loving Day Taught Me to Reframe My World

It started on a whim. My then-boyfriend and I were exploring Mt. Airy, drawn in by the promise of a new flatbread and brewery. As we climbed the steps, we walked into an atmosphere that was electric, not just with weekend chatter, but with a palpable sense of community. The space was filled with a vibrant party of people from all different backgrounds, sharing a meal that felt like more than just food; it was a celebration.

When we asked what was going on, someone smiled and said, "It's the Philadelphia Loving Day Celebration."

In that moment, something clicked into place for me. As an interracial couple, we moved through the world largely focused on our own bubble of love and commitment. But here, suddenly, was a public reflection of our reality. Our relationship, our love, felt instantly affirmed, contextualized, and supported by a history and a community we hadn't even realized we were missing.

That day was a beginning. We attended more Loving Day events, and the holiday became a touchstone for us. When we later married and had our first child, it felt like a natural progression for us to take on a bigger role. We began hosting the Philadelphia Loving Day Celebration, turning it into a joyful family picnic at the historic Smith Playground.

For me, Loving Day has become a cornerstone of my gratitude practice. But it’s more than that; it's an active, annual exercise in the art of reframing. This is a concept I work with daily as a therapist, but Loving Day is where I live it most personally. It is the practice of looking at a set of facts and consciously choosing the narrative that empowers you.

Let’s be clear about the structure of the event we are examining. The historical truth is that Richard and Mildred Loving, a white man and a Black and Native American woman, were arrested, imprisoned, and banished from their home state of Virginia for the simple act of being married. The story is rooted in systemic bigotry, injustice, and hate. The emotional experience of that truth can easily be one of anger, sadness, and despair.

But I refuse to let that be the final word. I consciously reframe that narrative. I take the facts of their persecution and I shift my focus to the fierce, unyielding courage it took for them to stand up and say, "No. Our love is valid, and our family deserves to exist." I transform the story of their struggle into a testament to their power. I don't ignore the hate; I choose to center my energy on their radical act of love and their fight to protect their family.

This is the work I guide my clients—particularly high-achieving women of color navigating demanding leadership roles—to do every day. Reframing is not about ignoring reality or engaging in toxic positivity. It is about differentiating the objective facts of a situation from the emotional story we tell ourselves about it, and then choosing a story that serves our well-being and our goals.

So what does this look like in practice? Let’s break down the behavioral change.

• The Situation: You are the only woman of color on your executive team. In a meeting, your idea is ignored, only to be applauded when re-stated by a male colleague minutes later.
• The Initial Thought & Emotional Experience: "They don't respect me. I don't belong here. I am invisible." This leads to feelings of anger, frustration, and a dip in self-worth. The behavior might be to withdraw, stop contributing, or ruminate on the injustice for the rest of the day, tanking your productivity and confidence.

The Reframing Process:

1. Acknowledge the Truth: "My contribution was overlooked, and that is a frustrating and common example of systemic bias." You aren’t denying the event.
2. Differentiate the Emotion: "I feel angry and hurt because this was unjust." You validate your own emotional response.
3. Choose a New Narrative & Behavior: "The truth is, my idea was valuable—so valuable it was repeated. My voice and perspective are critical in this space, and I will not be silenced by this. My power is not in their validation, but in my consistent contribution." The behavioral shift is to follow up after the meeting, reclaim your idea via email ("Glad we all aligned on my initial point about X, I'll draft the proposal"), and continue to show up as the expert you are, not from a place of deficit, but from a place of inherent worth.

In my home, Loving Day is a major holiday. It is a day we intentionally reframe historic struggle into profound joy. We celebrate the courage of the Lovings, the beauty of our diverse family, and the power we all have to build a world where love wins.

I invite you to do the same. Look at the struggles in your own life, the narratives of perfectionism, the moments of inconsistent confidence. Find the underlying truth of your strength, your resilience, and your value.

Reframe for your own joy.

The work of reframing is a practice, not a destination. It requires intention, support, and a safe space to deconstruct the thoughts that hold you back. If you are ready to reclaim your narrative and build a foundation of unshakeable self-worth, I am here to help.

Schedule Your Free Consultation with Burgandy Holiday, LCSW Today

#LovingDay #Reframing #CulturallyCompetentTherapy #WomenInLeadership #BlackWomenInLeadership #WorkLifeBalance #SelfWorth #JoyfulLiving #BeTrueCounseling #TherapyForBlackWomen #Perfectionism #Confidence #ExecutiveWomen #PhiladelphiaTherapist